{"id":52,"date":"2021-04-17T15:06:07","date_gmt":"2021-04-17T15:06:07","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/wpinitiate.com\/crawlomatic-test\/blog\/2021\/04\/17\/sharks-are-apparently-walking-on-land-now-excuse-me-but-no-thanks\/"},"modified":"2021-04-17T15:06:07","modified_gmt":"2021-04-17T15:06:07","slug":"sharks-are-apparently-walking-on-land-now-excuse-me-but-no-thanks","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/wpinitiate.com\/crawlomatic-test\/blog\/2021\/04\/17\/sharks-are-apparently-walking-on-land-now-excuse-me-but-no-thanks\/","title":{"rendered":"Sharks Are Apparently Walking On Land Now, Excuse Me But No Thanks"},"content":{"rendered":"<p id=\"HNxvVD\">If there\u2019s one thing that everyone can agree on, it\u2019s that sharks are cool as shit. They\u2019re fast as hell, they\u2019ve got hundreds of bitchin\u2019 razor sharp teeth (except you, whale shark, but you still rule), even their <em>skin<\/em> is made up of essentially microscopic teeth, and just like your dependable best friend from elementary school, they haven\u2019t really changed over the hundreds of millions of years they\u2019ve been around. <\/p>\n<p class=\"p-large-text\" id=\"m98pjv\">Or so we <em>thought!<\/em><\/p>\n<p id=\"a7Vvkb\">Apparently over the last few million years, at least <em>nine<\/em> shark species off the coast of Australia and New Guinea have learned to walk behind our backs. These conniving bastards, called epaulette sharks, now use their fins to crawl across coral reefs.<\/p>\n<h3 id=\"GSSMcI\">So, first of all, absolutely the fuck not.<\/h3>\n<p id=\"nUhLPl\">We trusted you! You were our rock in a swirling sea of evolutionary changes! How could you do this to us, \u201cepaulette sharks\u201d, if that\u2019s even your real name. We loved you just the way you were, and then you go and betray our trust like this. I wouldn\u2019t be surprised if you\u2019d <em>actually<\/em> stab us in the back, considering you probably also have some kind of fucked up shark hands now. <\/p>\n<p class=\"p-large-text\" id=\"V3aBnp\"><em>When does it end, sharks??<\/em><\/p>\n<p id=\"hsZFxN\">Well, it doesn\u2019t end there, because guess the fuck what. They\u2019re not just flipping everyone a webbed middle finger and scrabbling over reefs, they\u2019re actually walking on land.<\/p>\n<h3 id=\"tTaB4K\">OKAY, NO. NOPE. <\/h3>\n<figure class=\"e-image\">   <span class=\"e-image__inner\">          <span class=\"e-image__image\" data-original=\"https:\/\/cdn.vox-cdn.com\/uploads\/chorus_asset\/file\/22442514\/Apr_13_2021_18_50_17.gif\">                 <img decoding=\"async\" class=\"c-dynamic-image\" alt=\"\" data-chorus-optimize-field=\"main_image\" src=\"data:image\/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAUEBAAAACwAAAAAAQABAAACAkQBADs\" data-cid=\"site\/dynamic_size_image-1618668962_3028_581533\" data-cdata='{\"asset_id\":22442514,\"ratio\":\"*\"}'> <noscript><img decoding=\"async\" alt=\"\" src=\"https:\/\/cdn.vox-cdn.com\/uploads\/chorus_asset\/file\/22442514\/Apr_13_2021_18_50_17.gif\"><\/noscript>             <\/span>        <\/span>    <\/figure>\n<h5 id=\"L4R8jW\"><a href=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/watch?v=ndbw7SQMCcQ\">Look at this asshole<\/a><\/h5>\n<p id=\"uwj0dj\">The audacity. The <em>gall.<\/em> We\u2019ve been weathering a goddamn global pandemic for over a year, from which we\u2019re all gonna have to work through weird cagey feelings around toilet paper for like, a <em>while<\/em>, and now this shit? Sharks are leaving the fucking ocean and taking strolls on beaches, and that\u2019s what we have to deal with now?? <strong>No. NO.<\/strong> Sharks had their chance to venture onto land a few hundred million years ago, they made their decision and I am putting my foot down. <strong>My human, land-dwelling foot.<\/strong> We cannot allow this.<\/p>\n<p id=\"mL1R7Y\">There is already way too much shit going on. Nobody has the time or energy to deal with \u201coh by the way, sharks want to walk among us\u201d on top of everything. Maybe you\u2019re reading this and thinking, \u201cIt\u2019s not a big deal! All the walking sharks are super small, they\u2019re not a threat!\u201d To which I say, first and foremost, the fact that you\u2019re normalizing \u201cwalking sharks\u201d at all is disgusting, you make me sick. Secondly, yeah sure they\u2019re small <em>now<\/em>, but what happens when they decide they wanna get bigger? They\u2019ve already decided they want to leave the fucking ocean without consulting anyone, you think they\u2019re gonna run it by the group when they want to bulk up? <\/p>\n<p class=\"p-large-text\" id=\"O5ffa4\"><strong>Fat chance, buddy.<\/strong> <\/p>\n<p id=\"XmFlIg\">And what kind of an example is this setting for sharks that are <em>already<\/em> big? If you don\u2019t think the bull sharks or great whites are going to lace up and immediately follow suit as soon as they hear about what these 2-foot-long punks are up to then you need to wake up and smell the sea salt. Do <em>you<\/em> want to have to look him in the eyes and tell Jaws to get off your lawn? I don\u2019t!<\/p>\n<h4 id=\"OCriVv\">I don\u2019t like it, I don\u2019t trust it, and neither should you.<\/h4>\n<figure class=\"e-image\">   <span class=\"e-image__inner\">          <span class=\"e-image__image\" data-original=\"https:\/\/cdn.vox-cdn.com\/uploads\/chorus_asset\/file\/22442558\/Apr_13_2021_17_54_52.gif\">                 <img decoding=\"async\" class=\"c-dynamic-image\" alt=\"\" data-chorus-optimize-field=\"main_image\" src=\"data:image\/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAUEBAAAACwAAAAAAQABAAACAkQBADs\" data-cid=\"site\/dynamic_size_image-1618668962_8647_581534\" data-cdata='{\"asset_id\":22442558,\"ratio\":\"*\"}'> <noscript><img decoding=\"async\" alt=\"\" src=\"https:\/\/cdn.vox-cdn.com\/uploads\/chorus_asset\/file\/22442558\/Apr_13_2021_17_54_52.gif\"><\/noscript>             <\/span>        <\/span>    <\/figure>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>If there\u2019s one thing that everyone can agree on, it\u2019s that sharks are cool as shit. They\u2019re fast as hell, they\u2019ve got hundreds of bitchin\u2019 razor sharp teeth (except you, whale shark, but you still rule), even their skin is made up of essentially microscopic teeth, and just like your dependable best friend from elementary &hellip; <\/p>\n<p class=\"link-more\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wpinitiate.com\/crawlomatic-test\/blog\/2021\/04\/17\/sharks-are-apparently-walking-on-land-now-excuse-me-but-no-thanks\/\" class=\"more-link\">Continue reading<span class=\"screen-reader-text\"> &#8220;Sharks Are Apparently Walking On Land Now, Excuse Me But No Thanks&#8221;<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":53,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-52","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-uncategorized","entry"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wpinitiate.com\/crawlomatic-test\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/52","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wpinitiate.com\/crawlomatic-test\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wpinitiate.com\/crawlomatic-test\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wpinitiate.com\/crawlomatic-test\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wpinitiate.com\/crawlomatic-test\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=52"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/wpinitiate.com\/crawlomatic-test\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/52\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wpinitiate.com\/crawlomatic-test\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/53"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wpinitiate.com\/crawlomatic-test\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=52"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wpinitiate.com\/crawlomatic-test\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=52"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wpinitiate.com\/crawlomatic-test\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=52"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}