Always be covered in gasoline
Join a human centipede
Only smoke underwater
Build a time machine, go back in time to the day before you started smoking, and kill yourself
Start a petition to rename cigarettes “baby wieners”
Replace one cigarette in the pack with a tiny stick of dynamite
Die from lung cancer
Have J. K. Simmons scream in your face “Not my Marlboro!”
Move somewhere really windy so you literally can’t ever light a cigarette
Admit that camels are not good role models
Smoke a pack of cigarettes while watching your parents have sex
Hire Peyton Manning to fire a football at your throat every time you light up
Cut off your hands
