Since you hit puberty everyone’s been yakking at you about how to not get pregnant and that’s only left you to wonder “how do you get pregnant?” Well, today’s your lucky day because here are the best ways!

Swallow a baby

Trust a man using new male-contraceptives

Abstinence-only education

Make your uterus a great place to live with simple, tasteful renovations

66ing

Hug naked during an earthquake

Switch from prophylactics to antiphylactics

Sit in the shower of an apartment with three dude roommates

Defund Planned Parenthood

Be a woman